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I Licked a Toad and I Liked It

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  A lot of our understandings, fears, habits and beliefs as adults come from the experiences and constant conditioning we are exposed to as children and throughout our adolescent lives.  We soak up, especially as kids, any and all information around us, which helps to create our perceived world.  Unfortunately as kids and even as young adults (and as real adults) we aren’t able to co-create or choose our environment, we are kind of at the mercy of our family, friends, and life circumstances (or at least feel as if we are).   BUT, we live in a world where we CAN eventually CHOOSE what we want to become; how we want to ultimately live our lives.  Despite what societal conditioning or our previous circumstances have instilled in us, we can alter our course completely as conscious adults.  We have the ability to change and make the necessary choices to refocus our beliefs, habits, understandings and own self identity.   My journey the past few months has been trying to figure that out and
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Puerto Escondido

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  Despite ending the previous week with a severe bout of food poisoning for almost 2 days (my iron stomach couldn’t handle the agua chiles shrimp….which is raw shrimp cooked in lime juice!), the past week was overall GREAT!  Coupling that with my ear pain, I definitely had a hurdle to overcome but feel like I jumped over it well!  We started the week staying at a different Airbnb that was actually closed off to the outside with real windows!  It also had AC, so we were able to comfortably enjoy our few days there without having to worry about bug bites and overheating!  It was in a different part of town called Zicatela, which is world renown for its overpowering waves!  We enjoyed our best meal out at a local beach restaurant (although, I guess they are all local beach restaurants!!!) and one of the dishes we got was a tostada topped with chapulines (grasshoppers).  We all tasted the dish and thought it was pretty good!!   I love being able to share my love of adventurous eating with
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  Stacy and I had the opportunity to attend a Temazcal on Tuesday.  It is essentially a steam bath with a certain resemblance to the sauna, but with a solid spiritual background and a great healing purpose.  A temazcal is an ancient ritual that has been part of Mexican and South American culture for around 1,000 years. The word itself originates from a Nahuatl word Temāzcalli, which translates to “house of heat.” The cleansing ritual often took place before and after battles and was also thought to have strong healing powers.  Thanks to people who still have a strong bond with their roots and with the earth, we can still experience it today, and I’m very glad we did.   We were a bit nervous in the beginning as we didn’t know what to expect!  Were we going to be way too hot? Would we have to exit early?  Will we be able to breath?  We weren’t alone in our uneasiness, as the 5 other people joining us also had their own reservations.  However, this was an experience we yearned for, and we
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New Friends

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  I had another great week overall.  I went to a 3 hr in home French cooking class, set up bbq’s with new friends, arranged play dates for Alana and even went fishing again!!   I also planned a nice date night at a roof top bar and restaurant in Playa for Stacy and I.  It was a wonderful time to reflect on our new life, talk, and just be with each other.  I am making much more of an effort to “have my own life.”  I’ve always relied so heavily on Stacy for my social life, and granted we do have a lot of the same friends, it has always been her that fuels it.  She helps to get me out of my comfort zone and understands that sometimes it takes me more of an effort to be social, but I  really need to continue to form my own self identity.  It also gives us more to talk about and reflect on when we are together.  We’ve been together so much, especially over the past year, that sometimes it seems like we’ve talked about everything we want to talk about.  I’m sure a lot of people can relate. 
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A good start!!

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This past week has been a busy one.  I jumped full force into this new experience challenge and did several things that I’m proud of.  First, I had my first therapy session with a therapist here on Tuesday.  It was online only, but it was only $25!!!  We had a great conversation and one thing that came up is that during this journey to try new things, I need to be careful not to just be chasing a goal.  It’s so easy to set goals, and then once they are achieved, and you get that dopamine rush for a few minutes, you just crash right back down to where you were.  I need to find what triggers my serotonin levels too!!  Being a pharmacist, this made complete sense.  I need to make sure the experiences and goals I challenge myself with also have a deeper meaning and purpose for my personal growth.  Not everything I choose to do will fit into this thinking but it definitely gives me more to think about in regards to finding myself and discovering what clicks for me and creates that inner hap
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Change is on the horizon

  I’ve been lying to all of you for several years, but most of all I’ve been lying to myself.  I have had a cycle of depressive years where I’ve been caught under a black cloud. No matter where I go or what I’m doing, it hangs above me; even when the forecast says blue skies.  I used to be so hopeful, happy and full of life, but that has waned over the years.  I’ve tried medication, fleeting therapy sessions, meditation, ect.  However, I have always LET myself fall back into my new normal: a hopeless martyr, relentlessly sabotaging myself into unhappiness no matter the circumstances. I have known it all along and never cared to really change. I only try to claw my way out when it gets really bad, then move right back under that cloud. This destructive cycle has damaged relationships and created low self-esteem.  It has caused countless hours, days, months, and years of hurt for those closest to me.  I am sorry.  There are a multitude of reasons this cloud got bigger and more permanent
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