Change is on the horizon: my 52 week challenge

This past week has been a busy one.  I jumped full force into this new experience challenge and did several things that I’m proud of.  First, I had my first therapy session with a therapist here on Tuesday.  It was online only, but it was only $25!!!  We had a great conversation and one thing that came up is that during this journey to try new things, I need to be careful not to just be chasing a goal.  It’s so easy to set goals, and then once they are achieved, and you get that dopamine rush for a few minutes, you just crash right back down to where you were.  I need to find what triggers my serotonin levels too!!  Being a pharmacist, this made complete sense.  I need to make sure the experiences and goals I challenge myself with also have a deeper meaning and purpose for my personal growth.  Not everything I choose to do will fit into this thinking but it definitely gives me more to think about in regards to finding myself and discovering what clicks for me and creates that inner hap

  I’ve been lying to all of you for several years, but most of all I’ve been lying to myself.  I have had a cycle of depressive years where I’ve been caught under a black cloud. No matter where I go or what I’m doing, it hangs above me; even when the forecast says blue skies.  I used to be so hopeful, happy and full of life, but that has waned over the years.  I’ve tried medication, fleeting therapy sessions, meditation, ect.  However, I have always LET myself fall back into my new normal: a hopeless martyr, relentlessly sabotaging myself into unhappiness no matter the circumstances. I have known it all along and never cared to really change. I only try to claw my way out when it gets really bad, then move right back under that cloud. This destructive cycle has damaged relationships and created low self-esteem.  It has caused countless hours, days, months, and years of hurt for those closest to me.  I am sorry.  There are a multitude of reasons this cloud got bigger and more permanent